You’re Always On The Internet
“You’re always on Twitter”, “You Tweet too much” “You’re a Twitter addict”, phrases I hear on a regular basis, perhaps too regular in fact. But, all too true. I am on Twitter a lot of the time. My reasoning excuse for it, as follows.
You see, when I was growing up through my teen years, when we pick up our habits. “MySpace” was in, soon followed by Facebook… But me and Facebook, we never really got on. Don’t get me wrong, it was a brilliant way to communicate with family and friends at it’s time, but it also came with it’s part of drama. This is what put me off.
I was the never the popular kid at school, I never really liked school. A cliché, I know. But it wasn’t the whole “I don’t like learning”, I loved it, I just didn’t like the people. I could never find myself to really get on with people, like the others would.
Then came along the end of school and the discovery of Twitter, with just a selection of people on it – it seemed… brilliant! After growing up with social networks, it still felt as if I needed one. Yet this one, empty, new, it was like starting all over again. From here, my love for it just grew. I was meeting “new” people, almost daily.
There was always something new to discover, articles, websites, all sorts! In fact, it’s one of the things which pushed me into blogging. If people were to like short updates, what about longer, in-depth ones. Surely they’d love those too!
Then I discovered it could be so much more than a social network, perhaps more of a tool. You see, when starting college, my tutor used it for teaching us some online classes. So not only could I learn at my own pace, without being “judged” of being ahead, or behind, but I could still communicate with the others. Brilliant (Note: These were only a one-off thing, just to “break” us out of the summer, but it was still a nice chance to meet others, and the online “support” through Twitter, remained there).
Brining me back to my point, this is why I’m on Twitter… perhaps more often that I should. I’ve grown up with it, I’ve seen it grow (I still remember the drop-down navigation!), I’ve met new people on it, I’ve learnt with it. It just seems a brilliant tool, I wouldn’t want to leave.
Of course, as always. These thoughts are of my own opinion, I’m not saying one is better than the other. Just the experiences I have had with each.
Blog Gone Away
Edit: I guess I just needed a rant, moan or to “open the flood gates” this morning and that is what this post is, please do not feel as if you have to read it
It feels ages since I have physically blogged, when it actual fact it is not. It is the usual amount of day as it would be, two. It’s the being at home which make’s time slow down, because I am not doing anything, or doing little to what I would be if I was out.
Anyway, I have no blog today, no, not because I have no idea’s I still have some notes around somewhere, but the fact is, I cannot transcribe those notes into words and sentences. As many of you may know, some of which care and question me about, my head and mind appears to be all over the place recently, I’m trying to figure out why, in fact I’ve started to write a journal/story/log type thing, which, once complete I will share with you, although as an “Online Book” rather than a blog, due to it’s length.
Not only that, it appears things are becoming worse day-by-day, yet, then there’s the good days. In fact, you may have noticed I haven’t used a physical PC in a while, that’s because I do not feel up to it, for privacy reasons as well. It’s all confusing to understand, heck I do not even understand “this” yet I am the one who appears to be going through it. People turn and ask me if I’m okay, I struggle to reply, I could say “no”, but they’d ask what and I’m be stumped, because I would know how to explain it all, let alone where to begin.
I cannot tell whether this post makes sense or not, but those from my alternate Twitter account might make some sense of it all, even some more sense that me. I’m not even sure why I’m posting all this online, but I am, perhaps there may be some more support out there, but there are things that I’ve wanted to publish in this post including be left alone, reading things, solutions you people have given me such as visiting the doctor’s everything else, I just don’t know how to include them. Heck, I can’t even come to terms if this makes any sense!
But there are some things I want to highly emphasise on and I must state that I am not suicidal, please for those who do stop worry I’m going to kill myself or something, because even I can understand that I do not have the guts to do so!
I don’t know why I’m even publishing this online, it might help, it might not, I might regret it all, I might not, but there it is, for those who have been asking and for those who care that is all I can tell you for now, that is all I know.
You’re Not Alone
There’s no denying that I’ve been feeling “bad” the past few weeks, all you have to do is view my Twitter to see me complaining about how I feel and how I hate feeling like I do, also about how I feel when being at home – it ruins my mood further. However, you always see me complaining about, yet, never really talking about it. Sure it’s come up a couple of times in conversation but I’ve never really spoke about it, now part of that is because I don’t know what there is to speak about, I just don’t feel my normal self.
So this is where I begin attempting to explain how I’ve been feeling the past few weeks, as for why, I’ve yet to figure out. Now I’ve never really spoken to anyone about this, so publishing it on the internet is a big thing, but, I’m doing it because I know there are other’s who feel the same and I know that when I read about others going through the same experiences it reassures me, which is why I’m posting this, so other’s can read it and feel reassured that they are not alone. – I’m nowhere near looking for attention.
I’m not too sure what it is, or why it is, but whenever I’m at home – mainly when it’s alone, I feel like it’s better off if I was dead. Now I must point out that I am not suicidal at all! After a few weeks of feeling the same day-in, day-out I decided to take to the internet – For those interested I searched on Google “I feel like I want to die”. Shock to my knowledge, I was not alone! I found multiple results (mainly from Yahoo! Answers – which I personally prefer as it’s real people) and after reading over some of the results I felt heavily reassured that I wasn’t the only one going through what I am essentially going through. I also believe I may be growing an understanding as to why I’m feeling like this – but I’d rather not go into that today.
What’s even more reassuring is since I’ve searched, there are even more people asking the same question on Yahoo! Answers, almost daily, which is reassuring knowing that it is a common thing.
Now this blog isn’t to make you feel sorry for me, or make you feel depressed, not only was it a chance for me to finally come to terms with myself with what I was going through, I want it to be a chance for you to understand that whatever you might be going through, however uncommon it may or may not been the chances are you’re not alone!
I guess what I’m trying to say is you are not alone, whether you know it or not, people might just feel the same as you.
Sundays
I’d just like to say, the last few posts posted on this machine were “Minor Tweaking”, “Guest Blogging” and “I’m Happy To Announce…”, so please bare with any early postages or categories and tags missing etc. due to there being a different design and layout in posting, previewing and publishing.
Sundays. They have to possibly be there worst day of the week for me. Why? Simply because I spent most of them alone, for a large majority of the day. “Okay, so I’m alone, why not do something?” It’s not that simple either. You see, my mum works in the morning straight through until anywhere between 11am-1pm, so you see I have to get up early with my sister, about 8am. That’s already 3-5 hours alone, in which I cannot do much because I have to look after my sister.
That’s already a vast majority of my day gone, most of that spent alone too. (Although I do have my sister, I still count it as alone, yes, she is human, but she is not someone you can have a full, complete conversation with due to her age.) So I spent the afternoon’s with still inside my house, but with a bit more atmosphere going on around the house, it’s not so bad and it passes the time – sometimes it passes the time too quickly.
The evening soon draws on, until around 4/5pm (depending on my mum’s work hours), I’m left alone again, me, my sister, and perhaps my brother if he hasn’t buggered off out somewhere. I’d like to say it’s not too bad this time, but I guess you could say it get’s worse, because around 5:30pm my sister’s dad comes round to take her out for the evening, by the time he leaves it’s around 6pm. That’s already another 1-2 hours left alone (creating a maximum of 4-7 hours).
6pm – 9pm (3 hours), this is possibly the longest part of the evening, although it can be a lot more laid back – having no pressure about watching my sister, being able to sit at the computer, play some music and relax. It still frustrates me, there is only so much you can do online and with smart phones I’ve done most of it already. So this is the “dead” part of the evening. I’ve began to watch some TV whilst cooking dinner, this does pass the time, I guess you could say it also creates a stronger bond between me and my brother. – When he’s not being an arse.
So why do I hate Sunday’s? The short answer, because I spend most of it on my own, anywhere from 7-10 hours (when I wake up at 8am, go to bed at 9/10pm that gives me around 14 hours in a day.), which is a lot. This time alone, it gives time for you to think. Too much time, week in, week out, and with nothing to do they also say “idle hands are the devil’s play things”. I might have to agree here, it appears on Sunday’s, when I do get bored I mess around on the internet, although as the weeks go on my conscience seems to get weaker and weaker – don’t ask me why though. So they “stuff” I do on the internet causes regret for me. The other week for example, I voted multiple times in a competition, because I found a “work-around” for it. (It was, vote once per day). The day after, I woke up thinking “Well that was as good as cheating” and felt bad.
So that is why I hate Sunday’s, they seem to be too long for me – especially when I seem to spend most of them alone.
Moral Fibre
Remember how I said I was asked to write a story for Helping Hungry Hearts? Well, I wrote that story, in the end I (alongside the website owner) decided to write about Domestic Violence in Relationships, because there are more people in them that what we realise. The title “Moral Fiber” was suggested by someone else.
Moral Fibre:- Moral fibre is the inner strength to do what you believe to be right in difficult situations.
Source: UsingEnglish.com
The story has been published on Helping Hungry Hearts since Monday, but today I’m going to share with you lot the original and unedited version.
Kelly Clarkson – Because Of You
Life Is Too Short
“Life’s Too Short”, I’ve heard a lot of people say that phrase to me (along with the phrase “You Only Live Once”), but there’s one thing I could never understand about the phrase “Life Is Too Short”, because if you ask me, it isn’t.
A few days ago, some of you may have seen this tweet. (Yes, this is real tweet, you can favourite/retweet/reply direct from this page).
The duration of life scares meless than a minute ago via Twitter for Android 
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Daniel Chenery
itsdaniel0
So now, let me explain this tweet, the duration of life does scare me – A heck of a lot if I’m honest! You see a lot of people saying that they’re “frightened of death” or something related to those words, but me, I’m frightened of living. Now, I’m not saying I’m going to commit suicide because that’s just bizarre! Although, some people do, do it, I have no problem with that.
But what I’m getting at is, Life isn’t too short. Life is the longest thing you will ever live. Heck, how are you going to live anything longer than life? So, why am I scared of it? I’m scared of the mistakes I might make, the stupid little things that live with you. Let’s say you make a silly mistake, perhaps you’re in a well-paying job, you tweet something that get’s you fired you’re more than likely going to regret that, yet, you’re going to have to live with it for the rest of your life.
Okay, perhaps that was a wrong example, let’s think of something else, something near illegal, but not illegal? Something dodgy perhaps? You get the kind of vibe I’m going for here? A mistake you might make, you might heavily regret it, yet, you have it for the rest of your life. Now that, that is exactly why living and life scare me, in case I do something wrong, perhaps make a massive cock-up of things, which will follow me round for the rest of my life.
From my perspective, life is scary and it isn’t too short. Perhaps I’ve had a bit of a “downer” week, perhaps not. What’re your views on this subject? I’d love to hear them.
What Is Love?
So trolling strolling around the interwebs today, as I do, I stumbled across a topic “What Is Love?”. So here’s my take on love.
Love is
fuckedmessed up.It’s a wonderful feeling at the time, you feel great, can’t stop thinking about him/her and it hurts a bit, but it’s the good pain, you like feeling that because you know it means you care and you do love them.
But it also causes pain, you see them talk/flirt with someone else and it hurts you, you watch conversations like this emerging -Perhaps you used to do it with them before you got together, but now it hurts you and they may not realise they’re doing so, to them it’s all just harmless fun. But to you it’s what is breaking your heart.Then later on down the line it comes to the break-up, almost all relationships have them but you’re in love for this one, so it’s going to hurt like
fuckit never has before. It will and it does, you’ll spend the next few weeks in agony and that my friend is love.
That’s my take on love anyway, maybe you should share yours below.